how to stop the agony of the affair and get back to your old self
(or someone better)...

and have the greatest chance of saving your marriage... (if that's what you really want to do)

of course you want the affair to end. but you feel powerless, confused, cast aside, overwhelmed and don't know where to turn. you want this to end, and well you should.

i want to help you. for over two decades i've helped hundreds of couples navigate the troubled waters of an affair.

you might find this difficult to believe right now but… ready… take a deep breath… the affair might be a golden opportunity for you and perhaps for your marriage --- if you play it smart!

most people don't play it smart. they react…usually in one of two ways.

you can't afford to be passive and nice

some swallow….hard. they wimp out, tolerate and put up with all kinds of crap. (sorry about the language, but i assume you have thought worse.) they hope time will cure and she will come to her senses.

often they try harder by being really nice - meeting her needs; it's called "working on the marriage." give her what she always said she wanted and win her back.

wrong. doesn't work. when you are passive, you sell your soul. you prostitute your integrity…and deep down you know it.. and resent it. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. as well, you feel like you are competing with the op (other person.)

if she does stop the affair and "comes back" it is out of guilt or pity and what do you really have then?

you don't have to be an obnoxious #%&@*

others go on the attack. plead. beg. become righteous. explode every so often. threaten. become depressed. enlist the help of others. use guilt. use the children. talk. talk. talk. desperately make promises.

doesn't work either. you don't have to become a basket case; it's no fun. and if he does "come back" it's out of coercion. don't you want to be wanted rather than have someone feel like they have to be with you because you bullied him?

but you can be smart and smart works!

be smart! don't react. don't cop-out. when you are smart you hold your head high and have a much better chance of stopping the affair and saving your marriage, if that's what you decide you want.

you see, someone who chooses to handle her problem by having an affair is not very smart!

please understand, i care for someone who is having an affair because they are trying to find something - like all of us are. the problem: their way of finding that something is really misguided. anyone who chooses to trade one set of problems for a worse set, or really believes that another person can make her life better or "complete" obviously isn't thinking straight.

i'm not blowing smoke. i'm backed by over two decades of professional experience, study and research. here are the stats:

•80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.

•over 75% who marry partners in an affair eventually divorce.

•if an affair replaces the marriage, it is subject to the same emotional stresses as the marriage but twice as likely to fracture.

those who choose an affair don't have a clue.

they are either lost in their empty neediness or their life is run by their glands. choosing an affair is temporary insanity. affairs have absolutely nothing to do with love - everything to do with personal neediness and the narcissistic need for intense flattery.

be smart: don't go down the
tubes with him.

be smart: take premeditated, highly calculated, on-target action. you can still love him, want the best for him and hope for a revitalized marriage, but for goodness sakes, don't sell your soul or go off the deep end.

my new e-book, "break free from the affair" shows you how to be smart!

know in your heart that the affair
is not your fault

what you did or did not do did not "cause" the affair. she chose that avenue to solve her dilemma. did you make mistakes? sure, we all do. could you have done some things differently? of course! she could have also! you are not defective. no one is a better lover or person than you. nothing is wrong with you!

"break free from the affair" puts that belief in your heart, where it belongs.

knowledge about affairs gives you power

"break free from the affair" teaches you about affairs. for one thing they are exceeding complex and different.

actually, i've identified 7 kinds of affairs marked by the different excuses most commonly used:

#1: my marriage made me do it
#2: i can't say no
#3: i don't want to say no
#4: i fell out of love (and just love being in love)
#5: i want to get back at him/her
#6: i need to prove my desirability
#7: i want to be close to someone (which means i can't stand intimacy)

"break free from the affair" describes in detail the patterns for each affair. you soon understand exactly what you are up against. it may not be pleasant but at least you no longer flounder in the dark feeling helpless.

here's a teaser. mouse over this phrase and i give a couple of the keys to the "i can't say no" affair.

discover what internally drives him to this act of insanity

people with different motives have different kinds of affairs.

mouse over here to see who typically enters into an affair with the excuse, "my marriage made me do it"

it suddenly hits you, "this person has a problem! - and it's not all mine!" (this is not to say you don't have problems, we all do, but they have their origin in you, not someone else or an institution such as marriage.)

i outline the "personal characteristics" for each of the 7 affairs.

the toughest question you must
ask yourself first
… before you have any hope of stopping the affair or saving the marriage

your first hurdle is huge.

here's the question you must face: do i really want to be (married) in relationship with this person?

don't jump past this one with, "sure, i love her… even though she's doing this." it usually is a bit more complicated.

do i really want to be married to her? or do i want to be with her out of my own neediness? or for other reasons? if you come at her with your neediness or these other reasons you are shooting yourself in the foot. in the long run, the chances of getting what you want are slim.

relax, "break free from the affair" guides you through these questions for each kind of affair. (mouse over here for snippet from "i don't want to say no affair.) you will be much clearer on what you really want. she will know and she will respect that.

can your marriage be saved?

as you might guess, the odds of saving your marriage vary according to the kind of affair facing you.

"break free from the affair" gives you a realistic appraisal of saving your marriage for each kind of affair. i use a scale of 1 - 10 and the odds are based on the premise that you and he will continue in the same patterns.

for example, i give the "my marriage made me do it" between an 8 and 9 on a scale of 1-10 where 10 means there is no way the marriage can be saved. i give the "i want to get back at him" affair (the revenge affair) a 3.

these are not arbitrary numbers. i give all the reasons for those numbers in the e-book. once you understand each kind of affair and the kind of person who engages in that kind of affair, it all makes sense. and…you feel better.

your crystal ball - predict the future

yes, you can see into the future. affairs are predictable. "break free from the affair" gives you the information so that:

•you can know what is going to happen next.

•you can know how long she will be involved in that affair.

•you can know whether she is more susceptible to a one-night stand or a long-term affair.

•you can predict whether this will be the one and only affair or whether more are down the line.

•you can know what her relationship with the op is like.

•you can know whether they will live happily ever after.

•you can know whether it is primarily a sexual relationship or emotional relationship.

•you can predict how and when the affair will end.

once you have the knowledge, once you understand the person(s), once you see the patterns, it all makes sense.

how to increase the odds of saving the marriage, if that's what you really want to do

once you see the larger picture and have gathered yourself emotionally, it's time to act.

"break free from the affair" outlines exactly what action you can take for each kind of affair. in the e-book i put words into your mouth, giving you phrases you can use with your partner that fit exactly your situation.

with each kind of affair i list skills that work best with that affair and increase your chances for making significant change.

here's a list of the 16 skills that you easily learn and apply: (you will only need to learn and apply those skills applicable to the affair facing you. i'll show you the one(s) that will work best for you.)

•charge neutral •problemize •back off •gapping the goal •matching the mood •peel layers of the truth •get to the real commitment •step over nothing

•send messages •consequence 'em •contexualize •make him right •unconditionally constructive •silence •look for upset •leaping your partner

"break free from the affair" represents 20 plus years of my learning, experience, study, research and the touched lives of thousands of people just like you. i offer it to you.

"break free from the affair" finally gave me some peace of mind and a roadmap to follow. it was amazing how the type of affair my wife was having just jumped out at me. knowing that, and what to expect, has given me hope that there will be a resolution. thanks, bob." joe ++++++++++ your ebook has already been a big help! no matter how this turns out i'm already alot better off (feeling wise) than he appears to be. seems like your recommendations are right on target - he can't figure out exactly what is going on other than i'm doing very well these days and still being a very caring loving wife. thanks for all your help! lisa ++++++++++ ...the information i received from you in the e-book was some of the most helpful i have seen, and i have read almost every "infidelity" and "relationship" book ever published. yvonne ++++++++++ this e-book hit my situation dead on the head!!! i felt like i was getting a reading from a psychic!!! i have chills right now. lauren

you must take the next step...

decide now to take the next step. decide now to learn exactly what kind of affair faces you and the exact skills you need to more quickly end this nightmare and break free from the affair.

you can download the book right now for only $49.95.

here's how you can get started breaking free from the affair in the next 5 minutes…

when you click on the button below, you will be taken to our secure order page. your order is kept completely confidential - only the processing company and your credit card company access the information.

your order is processed immediately, and you'll get a receipt for your purchase with a transaction number and a link to where you can download your book right away.

you'll be reading your book in less than 5 minutes.

i'll tell you in the introduction how to use the book; devise new strategies that will help you make a difference and get pointed in the right direction right now.

you will want to go back to this book time and time again as you do what you must do to create the life and love relationship you really want.

order now and get these bonus gifts!!

bonus #1: when you order break free from the affair, you receive this innovative e-book to help you with confronting your partner. how to "get over it" for good! the cure for every upset in this 48 page e-book, paul and layne cutright teach you how to transform your experience of arguments and upsets in your relationships. rather than avoiding confrontation and "walking on eggshells", you will be able to safely and constructively talk about things that are hard to talk about.

bonus #2: you will automatically receive every two weeks the break free newsletter. the newsletter presents innovative, thought provoking and exceedingly helpful articles and tools that become tomorrow's best selling e-books and resources. the newsletter helps you: •keep your life on target in the midst of your crisis •get the boost you need to keep going •feel better right now •put a knowing smile on your face •be connected to people and resources that will become your best friend here's what some of my subscribers say: i look forward to your future newsletters. (my husband is aware i am getting information from this site and he is actually reading some of it! i hope it helps.) ---subscriber reading your newsletters really seems to help. i read it monday night and by tuesday, i felt really good. i felt like i could control everything and not have him in my thoughts every second. ---subscriber

100% money back guarantee…

break free from the affair comes with a 100% money back guarantee. if at any time within the next 90 days you find the material not helpful, i'll cheerfully refund your money, and you can keep the book.

just click on the button below to order your book safely from our secure order form.

don't wait. start breaking free right now! you can do it!

click here to buy now for only $49.95

i look forward to hearing from you today.

dr. robert huizenga, lmft, csw

ps - there is hope, even though you may feel the confusion, overwhelm and helplessness. don't give up. you can see your way through this crisis. i know. i hear people talk about it every day. please take my word for it. your life can be better. decide right now to take some action, please - whether it's buying my book or doing something different.

pss - i am here. if you get stuck, give me a call at 616.456.1178 ext. 12. if i'm not there, leave a voice message at *812. or email me right now:bob@bobhuizenga.com